Imagine what a fascinating thing it would have been if Adolf Hitler had dined in that restaurant and raved about the food. All right so today's food, decor and service are unlikely to contain clues of the Fuhrer 's visit, because historic connotations never reveal themselves anyway. But if people are going to make up extraordinary stories about Hitler ducking into fish restaurants in Barcelona and going home to tell his mates about it, it seems churlishly dull and unimaginative to protest.Along the same lines, tourists have also recently been reported doing a crawl around the London pubs where Karl Marx allegedly used to get drunk. The mere idea of sitting in a pub where the father of world communism may once have cogitated on Das Kapital is obviously another cracking touristic experience.Did Marx wet his beard for example? Was he a jovial philanthropist, shouting beers for his mates, or was he a narrow twisted pervert, sipping Prussian vodka in the corner? Visiting those old pubs will provide no answers whatsoever to these questions but will give us a damn good excuse to speculate about them.Basically, truth is the last thing on our minds when we go out to enjoy ourselves. The queue of visitors to see Sherlock Holmes at 221B Baker Street has never been longer.

And most of us are happy to visit ersatz bars in small English towns decorated in 1930s-Chicago-gangster style, in the full knowledge that we are not in Chicago and that it is not the 1930s.Turning pubs and eateries into theme-locations featuring dead ideologues sounds like a promising new fashion. Let someone start a rumour that Pol Pot used to dine in a small brasserie near the Champs Elysees for example. In no time, tour guides will be spinning apocryphal yarns about the nature of Pol Pot's favourite dishes, stories which may subsequently worm their way into the travel supplements of newspapers. We will all have been strung along but ultimately no-one will be much the worse for it.No-one, that is, except for those pedantic school-children who insist on looking for real truths in their tourist sites.. A deserved rest from your daily toil or a cruel test of endurance? As the days get longer, the weather starts to turn and the summer looms it's time to ask yourself, are you ready to brave the elements for the sake of a few bands, do you want to reintroduce yourself to those mud- caked boots, aren't you too old for this anyway? There's only one way to find out. It goes out with a bang on Tuesday morning, should you have any energy left, with a spectacularly pink firework display.ManchesterSun 30 - Mon 31Notting Hill CarnivalOne of the most colourful and dope-addled spectacles of the season and the only one that specifically celebrates Caribbean culture. In true Rio spirit it kicks off with a parade of lights, lanterns, colours, costumes and dancing and continues on two stages and a myriad of tents over the weekend.

It also has more body-piercing stalls then the rest of the year's festivals put together. The line-up has yet to be announced but rumoured acts include Ash, Garbage and the Beastie BoysRichfield Avenue, Reading BerkshirePrice unconfirmed.Information line 0336 404905.Fri 28 - Mon 31The Village Charity Mardi GrasCentred mainly around the Gay Village of Manchester, this four-day event gathers over 400,000 people and is now in it's seventh year. Reading has hosted some legendary performances including Kurt Cobain in a wheelchair and Courtney Love in a strop. The pop acts haven't been announced yet, but rest assured, they will rock. Previous years have seen Boy George, Erasure, Pet Shop Boys and Alison Moyet.Clapham Common, LondonTickets pounds 5; expected to go on sale Thurs/FriTicketline: 0870 1210 121Sat 11 - Sun 12T in the ParkScottish festival-goers will be well catered-for in this beer-soaked rock fest (the T stands for Tennants) which also experienced more than it's fair share of mud last year.

Now in it's fifth year, only the hardcore make it to T in the Park since the irresolute consider it too far from London. The top three acts are Pulp, James and Robbie Williams plus The Prodigy, Beastie Boys, Garbage Seahorses, Space, Ian Brown and Portishead. For the clubmeisters, the Slam Tent will be offering a multitude of top- notch DJ's (yet to be announced) and for the Celts, The Ceilidh Tent will be putting on a foot-stomping mixture of traditional and contemporary Scottish music featuring Martyn Bennett, The Humpff Family and The Tartan Amoebas. If that's not alarming enough, then get a butchers of the children with a dribbling "T" painted in red on their faces. They'll beat you hands down in necking a can of Tennants.Balado, near Kinross, PerthshireWeekend tickets pounds 54 (subject to booking fee)Day tickets pounds 29.50 (subject to booking fee)Credit card bookings: 0141 339 8383Information line: 07000 113114Thurs 16 - Sun 19The Phoenix FestivalSpanning four days, this is the longest lasting festival of the lot and requires a sincere devotion to the festival spirit, stinking bogs and all. A particular hit among acne-ridden teenagers, Phoenix is an Indie- oriented event (though they've given in to their rave clientele with a modest dance stage) and boasts the best funfair ride of all - a big wheel that will promptly bring your special-fried noodles back to the fore.

Best of all is the five-a-side celebrity football that pits the dribbling wits of pop stars, TV stars and has-been footballers. Among Phoenix's big name acts are Run DMC, Natalie Imbruglia, Jesus and Marychain, Faithless, Ocean Colour Scene, Echo & the Bunnymen and Spiritualised.pounds 75 for 4-day ticket (subject to booking fee)pounds 27.50 for day ticket (subject to booking fee)Credit card bookings 0541 500 044Information line 0336 404 949Sat 25Pulp's Finsbury LarkPulp have devoted a whole day in praise of themselves, though not a la Michael Jackson. Based on the assumption that after two months of partying you can't face any more tents and portaloos, they have had the decency to stage their celebration within the cotton wool confines of the metropolis. This Jarvis jamboree promises to be tastefully spectacular.Finsbury Park, London N4Credit card bookings 0171 344 0044Information line 0181 963 094024 - 26WomadWomad is by far the calmest and most kind-hearted of the festivals. A taste of this and you'll have packed your bag and be on the next train to India before you can say Nusfrat Fateh Ali Khan. Since its inception in 1993, courtesy of Peter Gabriel, Womad's honourable aim has been to compress global music into one single weekend, leaving no euphonious stone unturned.